The Decision To Move

Last month on my birthday my brother Seth got me a few items, one of them being a paper journal to do with it what I please. As time went on, I never had the urge to pick it up and write anything let alone know what I was going to write. As the days went on, I started thinking more and more about the possibility of moving back to the Midwest. My brother had decided to move back, and the guy I was going to get an apartment with ended up flaking out on me and moving back to his hometown. I tried going on craiglist and facebook, but every place I found was too expensive. I prayed about the possiblity of moving daily, and it started weighing on my mind day in and day out. It kept me up at night and I didn't know what I should do.

12 days ago I was up late and an episode of Frasier came on TV. In the episode Frasier and his brother Niles are at the coffee shop and are trying to find an open table the entire episode, but every time they find one, someone beats them to it. They finally settle on sitting outside on the patio. Once there, Niles opens up their discussion by asking Frasier "Are you happy?". Frasier is taken aback a bit by this question and contemplates his response. Throughout the rest of the episode every time he tries to answer he gets interrupted by someone else, whether it be his father, their maid Daphne, or the waitress who keeps bringing his latte back to him repeatedly because Frasier says there is something "wrong with it" each time. He finally gets the opportunity to answer his brother, but the rain comes pouring down on them. They rush inside, Frasier becomes more irritated, and their father appears again this time pretending to be blind to guarantee them a table. As the sit down, they realize something is wrong with their father. They finally convince him to tell them why. He goes on to tell them that it was his birthday last week (which they had obviously forgotten). The instantly apologize and tell him that they are all going to go out to dinner and celebrate. As they all go to leave Niles says he will take Daphne and their father and they head out the door first. Before Frasier has a chance to get up, the waitress returns for the umteenth time stating all the changes she made to his latte to please him and asks him "Are You Happy?". Frasier pauses takes it all in, and says (mostly to himself), "You know, in the grand scheme of things... Yes I Am."

The show faded to black, I grabbed my journal, pen, and began writing:

There comes a point in every person's life when they must ask themselves if they are happy. When I think about what makes me happy, it always comes down to the simple things: family, friends, acting, random acts of kindness, and the LORD. Then I think about the things that are lacking in my life: money, a successful acting career, and a love of my OWN. People always ask, "What's the meaning of life?" I think the correct answer and response is "Heaven only knows". As we struggle to find our own meaning of these words, I truly think it comes down to happiness. As an actor, I struggle heavily with balancing a self-driven and challenging career pathway and at the same time trying to lead a "normal life", whatever that means... Moving to L.A. was a choice I made based on an opportunity presented to me. Having moved so often in my youth, making a jump to somewhere like L.A. wasn't a bid deal to me. I made adjustments and made it work. Having lived here for over 10 months now, I've seen enough to know what L.A. has in store for me if I were to stay here. At the end of the day, L.A. has one thing that I desire: the film industry. As I examine my life at 24, living in L.A. as an aspiring actor, I ask myself the simple question, "Am I Happy?" and the answer is "No." I think that I now realize that if someone answers with a "no" then they need to make a change in their life. I my case, I think it is to move back home to the Midwest. With this decision in grasp I must make sure that I don't fall into the trap of "settling"in life. I know that to the core, that is something I think that most people do in life, but it's not for me. I do think that life is what you make of it and that if I am to be happy I must keep it simple and take life one day at a time. I think that it's also good to remember that whenever I feel "down and out", that someone somewhere has it much harder than I do. I think that if we keep reminding ourselves this, we realize how insignificiant our problems are and that our blessings FAR outweigh our troubles. There is so much to be thankful for. So much that we needn't worry about the little things in life. Keep it simple, keep the faith, and when you can say you're truly happy, you'll know that it was all worth it.

At the end of the day, it came down to one thing for me: I'm not happy living in L.A. First, I don't like the people. Everyone here is so self-oriented and it's all about me, me, me! It gets old, and it's not a very nice social environment. Because of much of this, I don't have much of a social life at all. I've lived here for almost a year and don't really go out at all. A lot of it is because "going out" in LA means clubbing, etc. and that' just not for me. Being trapped in my apartment day in and day out and going out occasionally with my brother to see a film or grab some dinner really takes a toll on you . Second, I really hate the weather here. You wake up everyday knowing that it will warm and sunny every day of the year. It never so much as rains here, and I really miss having four season, especially winter and it's snow. Thirdly, and most importantly, I miss my friends and most of all Family. Living out here, I don't know how long it will take to get my big break. It could take 5, 10, 15 years and at that rate I would only get to see my family once a year because of the travel costs. My family means a lot to me and I don't like the idea of seeing them so infrequently. You never know how long you have with your parents and I want to spend as much time with them as I can.

I know that moving back will bring many challenges with it, but I know that I'd rather be in an environment that makes me happy and is conducive to my art. I also realize that things happen for a reason. I had no real intention of moving out here after college. But when the opportunity presented itself, I jumped at it. I think I've learned many things about myself, the world, and what I want out of life from living here, and that the next move for me is to head back to the Midwest. My short term plan is to move in with my family who just bought a house in Pewaukee, WI just outside of Milwaukee. I'll take some time off when I get there to visit friends and family in the Midwest and then get a job and go from there. I think that I will most likely make a move to Chicago and have the best of both worlds there. I can pursue film, tv, commercial, and theatre work there. Obviously the film/tv opportunities are nothing compared to Hollywood, but at least there are more options for different types of acting there. There is definitely a part of me that feels guilty for moving back after making such a sacrifice to move out here, but at the end of the day, every person has there priorities, and mine are taking me back to the Midwest on December 7th.

Movie Reviews of the Day:
The Duchess - 4 stars
Edward Scissorhands - 4.5 stars
Body of Lies - 4.5 stars
W. - 4.5 stars