There Will Be Blood

Here's the student film I did through the LA Film School. There are two cuts. First the rough draft, second the finished product:

Crossroads... on my birthday

Today is my birthday and I thought "What better day to blog than on your birthday?".

As I turn 24, I don't have any fears of "getting certain things done before a certain age", but my current situation does call for action on my part. What has set things in motion is that my brother has officially decided to move back home once our lease is up on December 3rd. The only thing that will keep him here is if a great job lands in his lap, and since jobs don't land in people's laps too often, I must face the inevitable: I'm on my own come December 3rd.

The brutal facts about my situation are this:

• I can't afford to live alone out here, it's just too expensive.
• I need to find a roommate that I can trust
• I need to find another apartment

I've thought a lot about what's going to happen if/when I can't find another roommate and an inexpensive place to live. The reality is that I would probably go from friend to friend's apartments and live off of them until a situation presents itself or possibly have to live out my car. You hear stories all about how actors lived out of their cars and went through hell (living-wise) until they made their big break. That's all good and fine, but I don't want to be that person. I don't want to subject myself to living out of my car or bumming off people day in and day out.

The fact of the matter is that, if I don't find a place to live and a person to live with, then I will most likely move back to the Midwest.

Moving back has always been in the back of my mind, solely for the purpose of "If things didn't work out here". In my heart I know that I want and need to be in LA pursuing my dream, but I also know that there comes a time in everyone's life when they need to put their own happiness ahead of certain desires and goals. Now I'm not smart or selfish enough to know just what that means for me, but I do know this: I miss my family and friends like crazy. I also really miss the Midwest and all things that come with it. Ever since I became an actor I always knew that what I wanted out of life was "To act for a living and support a family of my own". I've always known that if I can do that, I will be content in life. Now what that means, I'm not quite sure. I know that I want to do film acting, but I also know that life throws you curves and you have to deal with them.

Another philosophy I've always tried to live by is "I want to walk the path that God wants, not what I want." This is obviously easier said than done, and also hard to decipher what exactly it is that God wants for me. With that being said, I do know that when he reveals it to me, I will follow. If that means I am to stay here, so be it. But if it means for me to move back home, then I will oblige. I've always thought about moving back and how it would affect me. I don't want to get ahead of myself (especially since I don't know what can happen between now and December), but if I move back, I will make the most of my situation and from living in LA, and turn the page. I might live with my family for a bit, possibly move to Chicago, pursue more theatre and the smaller market of film/TV/commercial work there as well. And maybe I could move back to LA at a later date...

When it's all said and done, I have less than 3 months until my life drastically changes one way or another. I have decided to do less auditioning/acting and focus on working as much as possible so that I can save up money for when the lease is up. No decisions have to be made right now, and I like to think that the decision will be made for me, depending on my situation.

Movie Reviews of the Day:

A Few Good Men - 4.5 stars

Top Gun - 4 stars

The Wild One - 4 stars

Righteous Kill - 4 stars

Matrix Revolutions - 4 stars

Burn After Reading - 4.5 stars

Out of Africa - 5 stars

Appaloosa - 4.5 stars

The Waiting Game

I think every person goes through a dry spell now and then... and it just so happens that mine is now.

There's not to much going on in my life right now. I'm kind of in a limbo. I haven't had an audition or shot something since the Cab music video. I've been submitting to a lot of things, but I just haven't been chosen to audition. I know that this time of year is the "down time" of Hollywood, but it would still be nice to be doing something other than working and chillin' at home. When not much is going on, my mind wanders, I miss my family and friends, and the loneliness settles in. It's times like these when I feel like I should be outsourcing my thoughts into something more creative such as a song or poem... Who knows, maybe I'll put pen to paper one of these days.

One thing that IS new is that I got promoted at Hollywood Video. It's obviously not a big deal, but I'll be a shift manager there now, with a little more pay and responsibility. Usually this would be something to be a little excited about, but when my mind is set on a film career and not climbing the Hollwood Video ladder I find it hard to jump for joy. Besides that, one of my good friends Carly is visiting from MN tomorrow and I'll get to spend the day with her. I always like it when friends are in town for obvious reasons. It's good to have home brought to me every once in awhile rather than the other way around. Hopefully I can just get out of the apartment for a change and do something fun.

Speaking of not getting out of the aparment... I don't have much of a social life. Ok, so it's non-existent. I can't be too hard on myself since I do work two jobs and I don't have much free time on the weekends. My "going out" consists of seeing a movie in the theatres every couple weeks with my brother. The rest of my downtime is spent in the apartment reading, watching the Cubs, playing video games, and watching movies. It would be nice to go out with friends and just socialize once in awhile, but I don't know many people and it's expensive going out. It's expensive enough just trying to "get by" out here. And if I'm not going out, I feel like I should be doing more to jumpstart my career. This is most evident when I watch the "making of's" after each movie I watch. It's so inspiring, motivating, and intimidating at the same time. I always hear about the way to succeed is not because you're the most talented, but because you're the most persistent. I always feel like I could be doing more, but it's hard when I'm waiting for my hair to grow out. As sad as it sounds, a lot of it rests on my hair. Once it's at the length I want, I can FINALLY get new head shots, sumbit with more current photos to projects, and go out and get an agent. I know that once this happens, I can "get myself" out there more. Until then, it's just a waiting game.

It doesn't help that my brother still hasn't decided whether he wants to move back or not, especially since our lease is up in less than 3 months...

Movie Reviews of the Day:
Once Upon A Time In Mexico - 4 stars
Vanilla Sky - 4.5 Stars
Jumper - 3 stars
Rent - 4.5 stars